I Had A Dream...

" I wanted to be a superman or batman when i grow up daddy." a child who cant even spell correctly telling his dad with full of face expression.

"Cita-cita saya ialah menjadi seorang pemandu
kereta yang terkenal..." from a form 1 student which writing essay in the tuition class.



"I hope i will be a doctor when i grow up because i like to help people..." from a 22years old guy who working in bank now telling me he is way too far because he is lazy to study.

"我的志愿是当个救火员。。。" from a guy who found that his dream will never come true after he knew bout the world as he grew bigger, and he is scare of death.

How many of you were regretting for doing so and not doing so?
How many of you were actually walking away from your dream?

How many of you were doing what you written on your essay when you first enter primary school?

As we grew up, thing started to go backwards as what we thought at the very first. Things started to change, and we started to change as human are born to be selfish. Don't deny with what I'm saying. Its a fact, its just the matter that what level that the people around you can accept, how ridiculous you are when you are over selfish.


It all DEPENDS.


Why are we way too far from our dream?

Well, it might be we are too lazy...or it can be we found out that it is unrealistic to work for it. Perhaps, environment who change us. Some who dream to be a doctor, and as fact it do need a lot of capital before you really end up being a professional but can your family really support you even though you had 50% scholarship? It could be a NO at last.



Every first was all the greatest thing we had in our life. From first born, first love, first call, first...



We blame for the first broke up but we do thanks him for letting us know what is love.
We took the first bus in our first life and its amazing that you can do it, but once its a habit, you blame why must you took public transport all the time and you are getting sick of it.
Mummy and daddy were looking forward to your tiny lips pop out "dada" "mama" and it happens, they were joy. The end like now when you are growing up, it never gonna be a joy, but its a burden...maybe...



Everything become annoying when we are getting used and used to be.
People growing realistic day by day, its not a FAULT but its a must...to be suit in this world.
跟风看利 (the strongest the "wind"=power there she/he will follow)，i believe majority tried it.
双面人 (double sided face)，i believe most you heard it and saw it.
Thinking are you the one when you read this? Don't think, its already you when you started to think.




Little baby saying wanna be a superman when he's big, 7 years later he will know that it is mission impossible.
Little kiddo writing he wanna be a driver as he grew up but do you think so when he really did? I guess he will laugh at his essay after 4 years later.
22 years old guy thinking his past about why cant he be a doctor now, he know he's too lazy for that.
Firefighter guy say to himself he wanna be a hero while he was young, now...if he's not death, hero or not it doesn't matter anymore.




I had a dream, when i was young around 6...i drew a lot on the sketching paper. Separating them into 6-8 column and I'll design the clothes and fits them in, just like what you saw while you are doing window shopping. Every time, there got no human model wearing those clothes but every design it came in a set of bag and heels or hat to match with it. Now panther skin is hitto right? That moment, i really did design one, some more with furry hat.




Started to watch TV, designer TV SHOWS then i started to curious do i need to draw a human out to wear the clothes. I asked my mum, "mii, do i need to draw human out?" my mum said "of course if not how it call presentation and how people know how it shows without a model?"




Since that day i get the answer, i never draw or sketch anymore. It happens naturally because i know that i can't draw human nicely as i saw on the TV SHOWS. My human look always end up with weird eyes, unbalance body figure, weird finger matching the hand...Hoo-Hah!




Sometime, I'm thinking...if i stay still with my dream.

Sometime, I'm thinking...if only i can still be like the time when i was a kid.

Kid is naive and stubborn, but they had a strong heart to stick with their very own dream.



Mummy ask them stop playing BLOCKS and eat dinner first, but his block building kept falling. He get stubborn, he spend his dinner feeding by mummy and kept building his own territory. There he success.




Mummy tell baby girl those beggar were uneducated that's why need to seek money by acting poor. She's thinking, when she grow up, she wanna be the teacher and provide education to all of them so that they don't need to be a beggar anymore. But does she know that, those beggar come in a gang of corporate and they are richer than her if she's working only as a teacher? And some of them work willingly as a beggar. She never know when she thought the world is so pure and that time she's naive, with a heart that full of colour except black.


Sometime, I'm thinking, if I'm...
Sometime, I'm thinking...what do you think?

You miss you, don't you?

那枚戒指

手上总是带着两枚戒指

曾经的曾经，他也像他一样，很讨厌，也不明白

对我而言，其实那俩枚戒指以谈不上什么挂念爱恋之说

而是，一个感激

感激他曾我为了我，许下了那么一杀哪的承诺

他们不明白，爱和感激总有那么点点的差距

送我戒指最多的，是那个我曾经最恨的，也是那曾经让我爱得他好深

迟迟不肯醒来的那个

还记得，4个月 时

他送了我个红玫瑰戒指，我不爱花

不是因为我真的不爱，而是我不忍心看着它凋谢

他知道吧

也或许，他实际，但不代表不懂浪漫

只是念书的时候，金钱都得看紧些

可以的，我们都用来吃

接着，忘了几个月了

我看中了长着天使翅膀的戒指

他买了

那时我每天都得戴在手上才觉得安心

哪怕被没收，我也照带上学去

中华嘛~比起他

那时，他是一切

它是便宜货

接着接着，我们吵架了

闹得好严重，在悬崖边

差点回不了头，因为那个戒指

我们更相爱了

它，刻着“喜喜”

看见他，我们更明白。。。

走下去的目的

那时，它是个stainless steel戒指

接着接着的，接着

过了一年

我收到了，一个令我哭的戒指

眼泪像雨滴般，无论他多番的安慰，雨未停

我内疚，我感动，我开心，我很多情绪涌上头

自己也分不清，只会哭

我内疚，那时的我太贪玩，但他还是狠下心决定买了它给我

我想。。。那时的他，很怕失去我也很爱我才会这样

我内疚，我的自私导致他崩溃

只想告诉你，我只是贪玩好奇这世界，才探了个头出去

我没他，别的用意

它比上上任送的小，但我却更珍惜

它试过在我们吵架时掉进引擎里，还得最后得拆车才取回

它试过被没收，好不容易，七上八下，哭到它回来

它试过被丢弃，只因为那时爱的前方太渺茫

它是他辛辛苦苦存钱买来的

它是他少娱乐，少吃好的，少打油为我换来的

那是他的能力，不对！是超出他能力为我换来的

我何能不哭，不珍惜？

这时的他以为它装上颗石头，叫钻石

没别的，它的，别的

你，你，你们都别想太多

你，我只想说出我未说出口的话

你，我只想说，有些事就是差了那么一秒，它的意义会变得好大，也可以很小

掏得出来呕不出那个肺，又怎样？

你们，看了就忘了吧！

You just gotta love yourself before you loved me.

We had an argue few years ago. It happen all the time muahahah. It was our way to talk and understanding. LOL. But this time, i speak something really hurts i guess. Im evil.


When I'm mad, i don't fucking care and think. I'll just spilt all my words out without using my brain. Then bing bang boom on my Bubu heart. Shit!


He was out and that time i got tons of indescribable stress at my back. I get emo again i don't let him out for certain reasons. And also, i had unlimited imagination growing in my mind and i think too much. I get piss, sad, emo and no where to deal with but him. Pity~



He tried to be good with me after he reached club, he tried to let me cool down and still informing me his current status(in where, do what, blah...), but still I'm mad at that time. When he call me after an hour later, i blame again. Complaining shits that is not exist. We hang and we done without a bye.


That night, i guess he drank a lot. Damn~gastric happen to him. This is no longer a joke. Doctor say that gonna turn to gastric perforation soon if he still continue so. OMFG~i damn worried when he told me, but i act cool don't even give a damn. I'm so sorry. I'm wrong. Never liked to say sorry but this...i had too. Why must you drink like hell when you're mad? Can't you just be cool and treat it was a joke. Okay, its hard i know. My fault.


When he's home, its the middle of the night, i still barely remember he was talking with me but at the same time he was vomiting too. I used to be blur when he wake me from bed but not this time. Normally he will hang up and call back after done vomit ting but this time, i guess he's afraid that i will not pick up. I heard he was vomiting and i don't care about it. Ego me ruins thing easily.


We talk and talk, things getting real worse because he was drunk and started to lost his behaviour, i get mad and end up we both F here F there. LOL
At last i say something that i really damn regretted, he ask me to say it once again and i was like FINE, I'll let you hear clearly and i repeat the sentence. Its totally wrong when i lost my mind. Its a secret but i will keep it a lesson..forever. Finger crossed, not repeating it again. =)


BHD...no one gonna love you more than yourself, do you know that? If you don't even know how to love your own, how can you love me without any obstacles? Perhaps a better health? I don't wanna see you walk away first, I'm selfish and i know you know. You promised!!! (OMG, here i go thinking too far again)


Btw, i never tell you so...that...i was...actually waiting your call after i repeat the sentence. I was... waiting you to wake me up as you promised but i guess you were tired, i was... waiting you to wake up and message me so that i could work with no worries.

Last, I'm glad that you had that patience. I'm touch when you call.

Love you, from me.

X'mas makes me EXCITED!!!

Movie with Kent again. Well, i think i know what he's gonna say when i jump up the car.

Not surprise at all, he said this "Why you go to cut this hair? I don't understand nowadays what the girl think even they knew the guy don't like girls with fringe but they still cut it."

Anything i did seems wrong here???

Drool for PUDU spinach noodle again because i wanna be POPEYE the SAILOR MAN.

Here's my noodle with darling Fu Zhuk Barley and big prawn dumpling. Yum-may~

Since MrK had bought the ticket earlier so no worries and rushing for today. I pay a visit for every single Xmas decor. GENG mou? When i reached LG i saw this Xmas tree up there and IT IS TURNING!!! No play play wooi~


LG floor is decorate with a lots of snow man as well as house cover with snows. Getting real excited already and pull him over like a kid. Lol, like its really snowing now.

Look at this well! Its full of pressie~

Forgive for the blur picture, its taken by the lousy photographer.

I hope it was real so that i could pick up some...

OMG!!! is he trying to suicide?

Oh no!!! He's trying to kill himself. Please don't mister...everything can be solve. Just share with me and don't do stupid thing please...i beg u!

Heheheheheh~well. That is not the real story.

Here you go. When i was cam whoring with the well that full with pressie, damn excited, imagine that all the pressie is real and i left my camera holder beside the well.

Then, Oppsie Daisie MA-MA-MIA.

My hand just push it in TO THE WELL. Then... get stunt and he looked at me. I said my camera thingie drop. He called the guard came but no use. The guard can't move the well or either carried up even it's made with something light. No idea what to do but just kept looking inside the well with moody sad face. Passerby there thought there really got gold and peep on the well. LOL. Then i lend the hanger from some shops nearby then K dig from the well with his half body in. I kept laughing non stop like insane.

So that's why it look like he's trying to suicide.
But but but...still had to give him a big kiss for helping me, or else my pinkie will lost her partner because stingy like me won't get her a new partner i guess...

He said he's angry me but still he's taking picture for me. Hurrah!

Why Santa left it here?

I guess he went for test drive at MERZ now since its time to change new one. No deer pulling it how it gonna run? Every time gotta beg the deer, he get piss. XD

That's the TURNING CHRISTMAS TREE I'm saying since the beginning! Impressive huh!
I'm giving myself a mission now...is...took as much as possible picture that related with X'mas (of course different location). This year, for don't know what reason. I'm addicted with it. Hmnn~

Its time to go for movie but still...i can't leave the tree alone.

Whoa~big, huge, long, crowd. DAMN! But it's worth for it to wait. Besides the reason you had pay for it...also is because.....

I'm watching TWILIGHT!!!

I bet i need not to intro it. All of you guys had watch it earlier then me. So...leave it.
I'm just wondering why some of them said that the first episode was nicer? Both are AWESOME for me. Jacob is so MACHO!!! Love him with short hair=)

Even K is jealous with his big breast. I mean...you know~


Yummie guy makes girl drool! Especially when they are good, loyal and with super power some more. Whoohoo~

You know, girls always feeling insecure. Guys gotta had patience with them and talk a lot to comfort them. When PMS, things getting worse for no reason. Someone told me that's women priority. Whee~and is a guy who told me. LOVE LOVE!!!

If only he's the one. I will hold him tight and never let him go. I swear to heaven and hell.

I'm emo and troublesome girl, i don't really need guy with macho body, very very incredible good looking, sweet talk non stop. I just need him to be patience with me, loyal & honest & sincere (every r/s need this) and of course not to forget a bed time story when i act like a little girl and a sweet smile on your face when i act like a old lady nag at you non stop. That's all. Simple enough?

Opps, forgot some. He must be a big eater but not fat ass that's gonna had trouble when exercise. I love sports so...that's why N-O! I don't mind chubby and spare tayar but 2 layer is enough for me. ;p

He gotta be big eater is because...i love food so much but i can't finish eat most of the time after ordering too much. So...it's his job. *wink

Forgot about the height. Minimum mini minimum~

174cm please~
If you don't have it. Please blame the one who invented high heels. Not me!

Oh yaya~one last thing. Due to some unhappy moment in high school, therefore i don't really mix with girls much besides my own gang. Till now, it happen in same way. I got lotsa boy friend which i call them ji mui as well.

So if you just can't control your jealousy and like a bitch who had PMS all the time.

So sorry to say so, YOU ARE NOT THE ONE.

I love you but i love him tooooo~

DEAL or NO DEAL?

I've missed a lot

I dint noticed I've missed a lot until i flipped through friends blog and Facebook album.


Like I'm standing so far away from them.



I saw they went gathering together, they went night market together, they had McDee together, they celebrate birthday together...everything TOGETHER!



What happen to me? Why am i not there? Why they did not ask me along? I keep on thinking about it with a sour feel inside my heart. Last, i scroll my phone message inbox. Its not that they dint ask me along but i was busy with job, busy with others stuff and college. Owh god~ hate myself right now.



Some they did inform me earlier like few months ago but at the end. I did the same thing again. I FFK last minute. Some of my job are last minute, i can't control when they came but I'm sure that i can control whether i should take it or not. I dint and that's why i hate myself right now for being left behind.



Since primary school till high school and now college, i don't know why...i don't really like to simply mix around with peoples. I guess i had some disease. LOL. I've been kinda picky on my friend. I mean close friend. That's why gang i always mix around are not more then 5? People who can really talk with me, i mean dig my heart out...not much. I guess i seal my self off seriously. I've found that people could really fake!!! Real fake!!! Now they could smile to you and even treat you nice drink and help you to do your stuff (willingly), then in few seconds later...whoohoo! They will said that you force them to do so. WTH! I thought it was a help from TRUE FRIEND? It is not as i found out later, it was just a way to create something out from me. Fuck to all the bicthes that do so before. Glad that you all still survive =) Should really take care yourself carefully. Im not really a person with strong religion view but i always believe that what we do, what we get back. KARMA. Heard?



Opps, I've drag too far. Where am i now? XD



High school is the greatest moment in my life i guess. Everyone is sticking together. We can easily date each other for lunch or movie...not even using a single penny for sending sms or electricity fee and Internet cost for using Facebook. We just hop in to the class when recess and done. Movie always happen when we had class dismiss earlier, we will wear our uniform for outing. Attentions we get and we feel awkward but with the badge of CHONG HWA INDEPENDENT HIGH SCHOOL. We feel only proud. Agree buddies? (What am i saying??)

Unlike now, a lunch date could be drag for a month time. Cancel, re-book...kept recycle. Damn! Even a movie outing is more hard! Phew~

Everyone is busy with their stuff. Whoever who don't continue their studies will busy for working, people who in college. What else? Just like you and me, forever undone assignment and coursework. Exhausted.


I've missed a lot and I miss you peeps!!!

December 2009

There the door bell rang...Ding Dong~
December just arrived at your door step.

You've known it earlier and you were excited before this.

Now, you got nothing. You upset and you were hoping the time flies back to the day you were wishing it to arrive.

It just couldn't be my dear. It is too late.You know it.

Always a fact.

You were happy December came because Christmas is coming, salary is gonna paid adding up with bonus, New Year is coming and it was a new start, birthday was around the corner and gonna bomb you up with loads of present, year end sale is here and you gonna shop in a better price for the stuff you dream for the whole year...too many thoughts.

Some you did you get, but where is some you've not?

You had done nothing and you thought December will be pending to wait till you're done?

Naive

Most of the people set themselves a target, especially when year end is around the corner.

I bet that, 88% fail it. You agree with me? I know you do, you can't run.

It was a answer that we both had in our heart. There is too much thing we want, but too less thing we did for it.

In my whole life after December 2008. I get graduate from A Level's, but i dint do it great honestly. I was stuck in weird behaviour and emotional problem due to the break up. I never stay at home often because I'm afraid to do so. Memory will hunt me down whenever I'm home and i got no one to talk to. I feel like tearing my scalp off seriously. I get out every night until i got no where to hang then I'm home again. Yelling at the room, half meal per day or not even one, never sleep but looking at the wall, hate him every single second...blah. However, i feel great that i did survive till now. Mom were sad, sister were sad, I'm so skinny that time that people thought I'm a kid which is only 12-16 even I'm with light make up. I was wondering, is the youngster nowadays too matured or my problem?

Then, i get really hardworking in my job. Try to gain more exposure from none till now. I'm not saying that I'm huge or famous, but when you got nothing and you did gain it with your own effort, you will know what I'm saying. Just imagine that, before that you were standing below the sun for some photoshooting but its unpaid but you still gotta do it well. Now, is people who offer you with a price and you get to decided to take it or leave it if you are not happy with the price. When you got no job offer, 10hours per day were paying you only Rm80 you will still do it, because you need job experience. Now it was different, per day Rm200 you might still feel there is something not worthy. That's the gap I'm saying.

People easily forget where they came from. Once people climb higher, they had amnesia.

This are realistic people, no why. Included me.

Then, my grandma pass away. It was the tougher day i had to feel it which i hope it wasn't real. The moment I'm holding her hand and feel that her temperature is getting cold and her breathing is getting slow till none. The worse part is when i saw the heartbeat is dropping fast...my tears drop fast and faster till unstoppable. She's really gone while I'm still holding her hand at home. We all did know that she's going to be "gone" but I'm actually hoping...she could stay longer. Family having big problem when she's gone. Almost tear us apart. Helpless again. I'm alone and not strong enough to face this. But luckily there is a HIM appear at that moment, a shoulder which is wide enough to let me lean on, a body is strong enough to let me pound on, a ear is patience enough to hear me even I'm only whispering in my heart. Those sleepless night, he was always there to talk with me until i could sleep. I'm glad for what he did. I'm glad when i receive the bad news, he were there just on time to give me a hug to let me know I'm not alone. I'm glad when i had no one to cry on, he were there beside the phone even i had nothing to talk but just crying, he will not hang up the phone.

In a blink of eyes, 300+ days just gone like that. It was like yesterday we just celebrate Valentine, listening Chinese New Year songs, last Christmas perfume gift box haven't even opened, new book is full with dust...but where is all the time gone?

This mysterious case happen once in a year, they just evaporate without a noticed.

When New Year Eve party end, a few glasses of alcohol inside the tummy, you shout to the world this year you gonna buy a car, you gonna loose 30 pounds, you gonna get straight A's, you gonna travel around the world, but how many people can really write a "EXCELLENT" in your self evaluate and appraise report of 2009?

Mostly were "tiger head snake tail" or stop at the half way or giving reason of busy...too busy. That's why 30 pounds target turn to 3 pounds or maybe gain more, travel around the world turn to only Genting. That's why, this year i don't damn dare to say all those big dreams anymore. I'm only wishing tiny bitsie things, so that when happen Tsunami, i got gut to say "Come on. I got nothing to regret!" LOL

However, your own life, your own way, you happy.

The Boy Friend which is not Boyfriend.

Every girl are surrounded by a guy which looks like her boyfriend but he's not
They may in love with each other, they might like each other
However, they dint get a chance to get together for some reason.


It may be, because of the code of brotherhood, he can't go any further
It may be, he cares about his family opinion, they can't get together
It may be, he had to further his education is somewhere else, he did not ask you to wait for him
It may be, they met when both were too young, still don't know how to cherish each other

It may be, they bump in each other life too late, there is a him/her already beside

It may be, you went back too late, he/she is no longer waiting for you

It may be, they were trying to know what she/he is thinking until didn't took the first step

Even you and him dint get in relationship, you all were still friend.

But deep inside your heart both of you clearly know that, you treat him/her is a little bit more compare to a friend.

Even though you all cant holding hands walking around,

they were still friends that chit-chatting until late night.

He say that he likes a girl, you say you will help him to get the girl heart,

inside your heart, you know that this isn't what you want.

When he's in trouble, you will try all your best to help him,

will not care about the tiny tipsy thing.

Girlfriend or boyfriend are jealous, you will comfort them by telling them you guys were just friend,

but the heart is still shaking with the answer

Every people in this life, deep inside the heart will also have a special friend like this, confusing one.


At the beginning, you felt struggle for being just a friend, but when time past, you found that this is the best way to be.

You will prefer to care about him in this way, its better than if get in relationship and broke up one day.

You prefer to be his friend, never jealous on each other, then only can talk without a limit

With this, you will still know, he will always care about you.

最终，我放了你和它

这个早上起得很干脆，没有赖床没有睡多一下下

这是平时不会发生在六点要起床的我

我，今天不化妆

没什么，只是知道了

最终的结果都得赤裸裸的面对

再美的面具，也是杀哪间

不是吗？

每次告诉自己，那会是最后一次

但转头又在做傻事

为的是什么？我不知道

或许那是不甘愿吧

不甘愿 我爱过他那么深

不甘愿 我把他当成未来 却换来一场梦

那天看见了他走在我面前，真想拿高跟鞋敲他给个头破血流

在停车场，我没像以往地飙泪 只有蹦蹦跳跳

这个早晨 吃着早餐
拿了电话 delete了所有的信息
那一年半的信息 千多封 还真费时
还记得那半年前的我总是拿着电话当故事书得读

看了看 笑笑
想了想 哭哭


这个下午 吃着午餐
开了电脑 上了网 一个两个三个click delete 了整个album
所以请网友们别在request和信息我要求看我的private album 了
已经彻底删除了

那一年半的回忆 15页的album 走了
分手后一直都没开过 直到 2个月后 以为要删除所以开了
哪知 我没有 反而哭了 照片还在
这次 我不知道哪来的勇气
做了 明知没copy 还是做了

看了看 想起从前
想了想 回忆淡了

原来是种自然现象
当你想忘 你忘不了
你不想忘 回忆自己溜走了
那时 从前的执著 也走了


------------------------------------------------------------------------



她不完美 她受过伤 但她仍在这里 习惯大自然循环 释放光芒

我爱他

他的轻狂留在 某一节车厢
地下铁里的风 比回忆还重
整座城市一直等着我
有一段感情还在漂泊

对他唯一遗憾是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪都停不下来
若那一刻重来 我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

我爱他 轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦 狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他 相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏 都不肯醒来

我爱他 跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心 深深伤过却不会忘
我和他 不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂 最终的荒唐

如果还有遗憾 又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了 就能好了吗
曾经依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪

逃不开 爱越深越互相伤害
越深的依赖 越多的空白
该怎么去爱

nothing i can do

my limit was 3...all along its the same
事不过三
now this time, it has excess my limit and reached
thats all for now
its hopeless...im tired...

i've been trying so hard...and now i know there is nothing i can do but letting u move me like a doll
u decide all of me, u make all the decision for me
u thought it was the best for me, but fark u! IT IS NOT!
that's all...i can remember clearly u say u wont do that again...but now...u repeated again and again
i would love to be china doll, japan doll, pretty doll, but aint stupid doll

tell me...how much u can understand a feel of being moving here and there?
i thought i did my best to support u by telling what i think in my heart
but hell yeah...im still a loser at last.

U? nothing but end in failure cause u never had a hope to fight with me

I.Miss.U-badly

was chatting with him once again...

this really not a good idea at all...i thought i was ok but hell not.

im such a stupid gal!

i still remember the days how he pampered me to sleep

i still cant forget how he act when i hit him, he show me the face that he's enjoying it

i will never forget how he make me into tears by showing me the surprise he planed for

i know...once, im the gal he loved the most

barely remember that, why he dump me.

things have been obviously showed up, i just couldn't accept it

forgive my sickness appeared again after tons of time i promise u guys im ok but im still like standing in the same point.

this time, i will be. The one who really did to go further

i'll block and not to talk...again.

I need to forget

just like a baby who learn to walk again by forgetting how to run even she know it.

i want u~

d.e.e.p.l.y

i hate u-

X

u'll name it for me the title. ok?

sun rise above me

widening my eye to take a look

i was on the bed

checking up the daily activities and plan

give myself a motivation

here i go

tears used to be ur the present u give in past
that is because i'm touch of it

tears that u've been giving to me now

its drowning me

im drown and im dead

and now im alive again

hurt me to the deepest

cause i will awake faster than u never thought of

and now...i'm smiling

for all the memories i have

never cry again, i'm happy that i had u

in my memory

memory keeper kept allot of secret that u never knows

sometime it will be deleted automatically when it is overload

memory keeper were telling u all the secret she keep in the hidden box

don't u remember?

u don't, so it become the secret

i'm the memory keeper

the secret that i wanted to tell, i love u and we are belongs to us in future

don't u remember?

i've said before that i'm gonna be with u no matter what in the future?

roses in the valley

lavender in the hill

roses are red

lavender are purple

roses with thorns but u still choose it no matter what

lavender with therapy, u will only choose it when u need it

SOMETIMES IS TIMES

"sometimes is better to cut of the contact, so that u can stop thinking of him"
told by mister DYLAN

i did it...as i say.as i dream.as i wish

for so many days i asked myself "is this the best way"
and now i know i wont be wrong this time
ppl who makes me sad and hurting me non stop
i should get rid of it!

i know

• u likes me but u dont want to be in relationship
• u wants to own me but u dont want to get back with me
• u jealous when u heard i got a new bf
• u want alots of freedom, therefore u use ur family, job as a excuses to tell me u cant be with me
• u cant flirt when u got me, or else u feel guilty
• now u say that im the one u want most, u cant find others, but actually we were to used to each other, because we together for quite long, therefore we cant find another ones
• u were used to kiss me, hug me, care me, once u stop, u will adapt to that life, but once u find another her, i will not appear in ur mind again
• everything is possible, only u know the excuses u were giving
• u havent got over me yet

u should know now! is either u be with me or dont ever talk to me. I really cant stand that. I miss u so much in the same time i hope so to get rid over u. And i guess i find my mister right, i dont want to dissapoint anyone cause of my stubborness to the past. LET ME FREE, CAUSE FROM NOW, I WONT FORCE U TO BE WITH ME ANYMORE, IM LETTING U FREE. I guess this is what u dream for since the break up. Now u can have ur freedom back mister jack.

Maybe we were just to confidence to ourself, therefore this makes us over valued ourself. To avoiding this, we must always look back after each step we take, there are always a signal for u.

Sometimes i miss u, sometimes i cried for u. But the time had reach, is me to letting go no matter how much i love u, how i dont hope to let u go. because this takes time, to over this.

The rainbow takes time to appear after rain.

p/s: remember what u say, keep holding tight and move forwards

AS I WISH AS I DREAM

this sounds of the steps moving forward
ppl pass by ,stop by and leaving
some fell for the past, some seek for the future
some choose to drown in the middle

this time i wave my hand to u
saying bye
for the past and hello future
and this time u finally understand
u wave ur hand back towards me
saying "as u wish"

as i wish as i dream
leaving u at the past of my life
never needle it up cause i prefer natural heal

i dream of wanted u back, but u dont
i wish u leave me alone and stay away from my life from now till ever

AS I WISH.AS I DREAM

IDIOTIC

I was awake
so suddenly by a weird dream
i suppose to sleep till the next noon frm 7pm since i dont really have a nice sleep during my exams day
but after that dream...i cant
keep on hunt me down thinking non stop

it was about him again
how pathethic rite?

in that dream

i ans his call...he was talking to me asking whether im good anot or bla

but then i feel weird

he was talking but he breath sounds loud and suffering

at the last he says "i love u, please remember"

then he hang

later on his friend call me

his buddies gf called actually

tell me not to mention about the break up

i ask why? i said i dint mention at all

and i ask what happen to him, why he sounds like suffering?

they said nothing but i kept feeling weird

then they hang up

=end=

i was thinking what was that dream about?

and sudd i related it to those drama

when ppl have those dream, its a sign of disaster coming

stupiak me call him in the middle of the nite of 2.04am

he ans...background sound was obviously in clubbing mood

im not suppose to worry

idiot i call myself facing the laptop screen

thats the reflection of idiot gal!!

IF...WE MIGHT STILL HAVING EACH OTHER

Now this is the sound of a broken heart

There's only one reason why we're apart

She never woulda made it to your car

If it wasn't for the club,

I'd still have my love

We would still have us

I'd still have my love

We would still have us

KEY TO HAPPINESS

看戏前去吃了我期待已久的炖汤

不过稍稍不满的是我的老黄瓜汤的表面的油是2个小辣椒碗的份量了

怎么这么油？好恐怖！

眼见四周，我们点了椰子鸡汤，老黄瓜汤，姜鸡

没料到的是，每个都是鸡作为 ingredient

所以比KFC更鸡

椰子鸡粒都以药材为主，那当归味是在回味无穷

老黄瓜呢。。除了油了点，还是很好喝

因为火候很够味道自然不用置疑

全餐猜猜多少？misterK 说在40以内，我说20-25

谁输了，就留下洗碗，这是他说的

结果，是准准rm20

他赖猫！竟没留下来洗碗！

想要尝尝的人可到pudu的shaw parade对面树底下

过后去看了部人人都认为会很好笑的电影

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2-BATTLE OF SMITHSONIAN

但其实，电影没我所想象中那么好笑
反而觉得渣到而已
渣到就是，往往这样却变得那样
可是就不明白为什么隔壁的隔壁的单身汉会笑的那么大声，后面的海鲜会那么的兴奋
或许单身汉怕寂寞，所以企图以笑声把寂寞去掉
海鲜也因为是海鲜永远都比人做多些些，所以就很high的扮兴奋



那突然，我的眼睛湿了
情节里说了句我顶不顺的话
笑声也没了




就在看戏前，距离开映还有半小时
我们到了borders看杂志
突然，他ooi了我
我傻傻的望着他以为什么是
原来在那很巧妙的时刻下
我们以同样的姿势一起面对面地站着
他说给人拍下了还以为什么呢！


me


him


结束时已经是九点了
its still early for the nite
我们到了pudu为食街找吃去

本来他想带我吃炖蛋可是说明是招牌菜怎么可能还不卖完呢

没口福！不过还是好期待的！！

misterK点了碗糖水，鸡蛋汤

真是特别，因为我没听过也没吃过

味道还真的有点像。。。A&W的root beer

买了瓶凉茶，扭不开

misterK很轻而一举的就扭开了

他买了个炸鸡，一手驾车一手吃炸鸡

这样哪来的手换gear呢？

很自然的我帮了个忙

也因为这样，回忆又再次侵袭我的脑海了

曾经的他，驾车时

好喜欢抓住我的手放在 gear上换来换去

每次他电话向时我的责任就是抓住sterling摆动

出街时

他会要我整理发型，选好衣服

我会要他选好假睫毛，画淡或浓妆

吃饭时

我会盛好饭，他会盛好汤

遇到鱼刺他会不吃鱼，我会帮他拔

遇到骨头时我会宁愿不吃，他会替我取出

扭不开水瓶，拔不开汽水罐，

我的一只手就会抓着物品，他的一只手会扭开

就这样，很简单的事但却快乐好久

那时的我的却不明白为什么

只知道我是快乐的

后来才知道，和喜欢的人一起做同样的事就是那么一回事

原来，这一切的一切都是key to the happiness

2人一起做的怎么也比较快乐，回忆也较深刻

回忆侵袭

good morning mcdonalds!!!

天还未亮完，我就已出门了

到达时，天空是还未晒的因为实在太早了

太阳都只升了一半

麦当劳的午餐相信各位也吃得不少

但早餐呢？

我本人，是个爱睡虫

能睡多久，我会一直睡的

自然醒的时间也已经是午餐时间了

我的麦当劳早餐，2次而已

厉害吧！

第1次

那时麦当劳做promotion所以到处派免费的早餐赠卷免费汉堡包

那次，他去换来

由pj拿到我的tarc setapak 给我

也是那次，朋友都认为他很好

第2次

他接到了i feel 杂志的摄影单元邀约

必须早早就到serdang公司去

那时的他，带着我去的

那时的他，无论踢球做工，拍照都会把我带在身边

只是，现在他不会了

我不明白为什么

转回正体

没吃早餐的我

他买了个big breakfast给我

大大份的，慢慢在车上切

那种感觉好怀念

你一口汉堡，我一口鸡蛋

简单却幸福

才发觉。。。

又是个麦当劳天

坐得屁股都大了只为那成绩好些

狂追不停只为了心理的内疚感少些

走进去时，看见了一对情侣

(哈哈，最近不知是不是刚分手的关系,总是特别留意情侣们)

他们在很甜的吃着冰淇淋

各吃各的，有点出乎意料

我所想的，是你一口我一口

吃完后，他们开了书本拿起笔了

就将，2人像不认识似的

没交谈也没眼神交流
我羡慕起来了

因为我实在从未试过和身边的他这样

不和他说话我会死掉的

何况几个小时？？

我羡慕是因为这样的他们让我深深地感受到他们对彼此的爱意

不说话，也能知道彼此的想法

不一起，也能感受到他的心就在隔壁

那。。。是共识。

我一直在找的

经历了好多段感情，到最后才发觉这是我要的

可是当我找到后，也失去了

来得迟也去得快

曾经的我们，每当纪念日要到时
我们总会绞尽脑汁的想去那里吃去哪里玩，还有什么没试过的

分手后的我，在遗憾着那还未到过的博物馆，那金马伦的草莓园，那迷人的海滩和等等等

但现在，我遗憾的是我们从未在课业上彼此加油过

虽然都曾帮对方做assignment，考试时会在半夜让对方stay awake，提醒对方要读书

但……就是没一起读书过

我问了朋友为什么我和他没这样

他们一个答了我“都不一样系”

另一个加上嘴说“不一样系也可以你读你的，我读我的啊”

听了后，脑转了下，心痹了下，眼湿了下

--暂停--

我告诉自己

我得停此你的一切了

收起了心酸，眼泪

和那无限的想念

这是他

收到了封这样的邮件，发觉还真得蛮像他的
他虽没做到里面的所有，但至少。。比起好多的男生，有过而无不及
题目：老公就要找这样的！


(1)
*有点害羞，但曾在分别的街头，大声说我爱你。
虽没这样，但它总会轻轻地在我耳边说了又说
*同我去庙里求签，轻轻捉住我的手一同跪下。
之前的我，不是节日都不去的。但因为有了它，我们得空都回去，当成是我们的约会地点了。
*言而有信。
虽不是全部，但由开始比起，他会尽量了。
*从来不迟到——我迟到他不生气。
我老是冲凉换衣化妆很慢，他都不气，除了他饿死了和热死了
*拥抱很久、很紧——每次我起身时几乎是需要慢慢推开他。
拥抱时，我们都会把对方抱得窒息
*睡得比我迟一点，醒来早一点。
会睡得比我迟因为需替我扫扫背，起来时会赖床，除非重要日子
*朦胧醒来轻呼我的名字——没有呼错。
除了刚在一起他呼错一次后，我生气到暴，他以后都没重复了
*记得我的日期、鞋号、最怕的事。
他一概知道，而且意想不到的他都知道
*我很怕虫子，见到虫子大声尖叫他不会笑我。
我很怕猫和蚂蚁，见了猫他会替我赶走，蚂蚁他不会杀生却把它搬到另一个地方，可爱吧！
*笑起来很像个坏蛋——其实不是。
他不像坏蛋，却像个小孩毫无掩饰放声大笑，然后萎缩起来
*不舒服时，请假带我去看医生，回来路上买冰淇淋做励。
我不会让他请假！但他会死也抽空陪我。冰淇淋，哈哈，要等好回先！
*开车绝不喝酒，让我系上安全带。
他和注重我的人身安全和卫生！真奇怪，比我还干净！

(2)
􀂃 * 帮我做家务，每天。边做边聊天。
每当我煮完饭后，洗碗的总是他。甚至还帮我妈做呢！
􀂃 * 常常帮助别人，不为什幺。
我最不赞成！假的乞丐他也捐钱！！！
􀂃 * 答应我﹕永远不。然后永远不。
他没有
􀂃 * 白煮蛋的黄可以给他吃。
相反的，我最爱蛋黄，他总会让出来给我，不和我争
􀂃 * 雨天散步，背我过积水，说﹕你还可以再胖一些啊。
他只说，肉肉的女孩才好抱。无论几重他都会被我下上家的楼梯
􀂃 * 吵嘴时不会一走了之。
闹脾气的我，总是要走，他会很好人的留下我。就算他走了，几秒后会很担心我，跑回来找我

􀂃 * 错了会认错。
他会认错，但我总是很难气消，他会说“给你咬，给你捏，不要生气好吗？”
􀂃 * 我说笑话他笑。
有，勉强的。过后给我揍！
􀂃 *逛街时我看中同一款式三种颜色的裙子，他说﹕都试一遍好了。
对对对！然后会替我分析那个耐穿和适用度
􀂃 * 试鞋时，他把我的卡通袜叠叠塞进上衣口袋。
我不穿袜子~嘻嘻
􀂃 * 常常说，有我呢。
他很少说这样，但每次都会认真地替我分担与思考再解决

(3)
􀂃 * 指甲整齐干凈，喜欢我替他剪指甲。
他比较喜欢我替他敷面膜，选衣服，wax头发。。。和煮maggi goreng给他吃
􀂃 * 小孩子都喜欢他，常常在楼下玩一裤子泥回来。
他很爱小孩，小孩也很爱他。我家的妹妹，也和他玩得一起欺负我
􀂃 * 轻轻拧开我拧不开的汽水瓶。
还有轻而易举的那我拿不到的东西
􀂃 * 忙时给我订机票，让我带父母一起出去玩。
他还是学生啦！
􀂃 * 告诉我——24小时随时打电话。
可以当然可以，会不会醒，那是另外一回事了
􀂃 * 告诉我——不要省钱。
纪念日时，他总是要让我过得好好的，吃得好好的。毕竟，我们每个月都庆祝。只要那周年比平时有气氛些就好了。
􀂃 *去义务献血，回来笑嘻嘻掏出一块“福利饼干”给我尝。
本地应该没吧？
􀂃 * 偷偷买一件两人合穿的雨衣放在车上。
如果没有雨伞他会用手和身体遮我。有雨伞时，他会只遮我
􀂃 * 我喜欢赤脚，他在副驾驶位脚下铺一小块羊绒毯。
晒时，他会把我的脚放到他的腿去放着。
􀂃 * 与人争论听上去像是解释。
他很少和我吵，我不知

(4)
􀂃 * 教我滑旱冰，扶着我跑了快一千公里。
这里没有
􀂃 * 从不上网聊天。
他有
􀂃 * 他的秘书说帮他缝上脱落的纽扣，他说谢谢，不用。
他没秘书
􀂃 * 送我的花是盆花，替我浇水。
没要过这样的东西。
􀂃 * 和我下棋，允许我悔棋。
每次打桌球时，fault时，他会假装看不见
􀂃 * 他其实很早就对他的父母说起我……
还没开始时，他已带我回家向父母介绍我
􀂃 * 喜欢运动，带我去招待女宾俱乐部。
他会很喜欢我陪他和他的大伙儿去踢球，然后在旁为他加油紧张
􀂃 * 穿十年前的牛仔裤仍然合身。
潮流嘛~~~该收不久
􀂃 * 他养了一条大狗，他的狗喜欢我。
没有狗
􀂃 * 吵嘴时我要他还我送给他的维尼熊，他坚决不还。
会还，依依不舍的还
􀂃 * 我不辨方向，他体内有指南针，说——跟牢我。
迷路时，他就是救星
􀂃 * 吃我吃剩的东西。
那是从认识就开始的
􀂃 * 我失眠时他陪我聊天。
他绝对会

(5)
* 比我高，我取不到的东西让他取。
吊着的包包鞋子，总是他替我取下
􀂃 *重大的事情和我商量，比如明年的投资计划、周末野餐带不带烧烤架，晚饭吃大白菜还是小白菜。
对对对！拍摄带什么衣，梳什么发型。上不上课，看不看医生，读不读degree，吃什么，看什么戏。。。全都会说和讨论
􀂃 * 站在商店的洗手间外面等我。
当我补妆超久他也绝对不走开
􀂃 * 我感冒了，他还是会用我的杯子喝水。
他会说，他抵抗力好。
􀂃 *和大人在一起像大人，和孩子在一起像孩子
他随机应变的成熟思考， 也能陪我幼稚

(6)
􀂃 * 喜欢我，从未犹豫，从不和别的女人比较。
当我说别的瘦，别的胸大时，他会望了她们在告诉我，他们这样很难看，身材不平均
􀂃 *必须非常合心的东西才会买
他的裤子也是选到很喜欢和我也认同的的才会买
􀂃 * 火车站接我，早到十分钟，带一盒蓝莓酸奶。
有时有时，会带豆水
􀂃 * 我买给他的东西都合他心，不转送他人。
对，因都是他需要的生活用品
􀂃 * 身上的味道很好闻，但他自己不知道。
男人味。那洗皂味
􀂃 * 逛街回家，一只眼看电视球赛一只眼看我试新衣。
无论如何他也会给意见
􀂃 * 对女人有风度，也有距离。
对！
􀂃 * 有了他，计算机罢工不必彻夜痛苦。
婆妈数值我可以全交给他
􀂃 * 很少叹气。
很少把悲哀和烦恼告诉我，直到撑不了财一口气吐完给我听
􀂃 * 真的可以随时找到他。
当他运动和睡觉时。不过在后期，他以不接电话，不管他做什么都好。在外都一概不接
􀂃 *和他在一起不怕死——也不害怕活下去，活到很老…
我曾想过，那白发苍苍的我们，在夕阳下漫步


你可看到了吧。
一个男人多好都好，他变时，是莫测的。
我曾经以为，那个他是永远的
但，就在那毫无防备时，东西变了
措手不及也无言以对
以为久了，就会长久
但原来，这不是一万分一万，是万一而已
不等到死的那刻，你也无法看清他
所以。。。当他还对着你好时，请珍惜
免得后悔的是自己

到了我和他的地步
谁对谁错的得多，也分得不清了
回头，拿什么？
心里要的，还会是彼此吗？
要回来的，会是当初的对方吗？
一起了，可以到多久？

看吧！
不到死，你永远估计不到！