December 2009

There the door bell rang...Ding Dong~
December just arrived at your door step.

You've known it earlier and you were excited before this.

Now, you got nothing. You upset and you were hoping the time flies back to the day you were wishing it to arrive.

It just couldn't be my dear. It is too late.You know it.

Always a fact.

You were happy December came because Christmas is coming, salary is gonna paid adding up with bonus, New Year is coming and it was a new start, birthday was around the corner and gonna bomb you up with loads of present, year end sale is here and you gonna shop in a better price for the stuff you dream for the whole year...too many thoughts.

Some you did you get, but where is some you've not?

You had done nothing and you thought December will be pending to wait till you're done?

Naive

Most of the people set themselves a target, especially when year end is around the corner.

I bet that, 88% fail it. You agree with me? I know you do, you can't run.

It was a answer that we both had in our heart. There is too much thing we want, but too less thing we did for it.

In my whole life after December 2008. I get graduate from A Level's, but i dint do it great honestly. I was stuck in weird behaviour and emotional problem due to the break up. I never stay at home often because I'm afraid to do so. Memory will hunt me down whenever I'm home and i got no one to talk to. I feel like tearing my scalp off seriously. I get out every night until i got no where to hang then I'm home again. Yelling at the room, half meal per day or not even one, never sleep but looking at the wall, hate him every single second...blah. However, i feel great that i did survive till now. Mom were sad, sister were sad, I'm so skinny that time that people thought I'm a kid which is only 12-16 even I'm with light make up. I was wondering, is the youngster nowadays too matured or my problem?

Then, i get really hardworking in my job. Try to gain more exposure from none till now. I'm not saying that I'm huge or famous, but when you got nothing and you did gain it with your own effort, you will know what I'm saying. Just imagine that, before that you were standing below the sun for some photoshooting but its unpaid but you still gotta do it well. Now, is people who offer you with a price and you get to decided to take it or leave it if you are not happy with the price. When you got no job offer, 10hours per day were paying you only Rm80 you will still do it, because you need job experience. Now it was different, per day Rm200 you might still feel there is something not worthy. That's the gap I'm saying.

People easily forget where they came from. Once people climb higher, they had amnesia.

This are realistic people, no why. Included me.

Then, my grandma pass away. It was the tougher day i had to feel it which i hope it wasn't real. The moment I'm holding her hand and feel that her temperature is getting cold and her breathing is getting slow till none. The worse part is when i saw the heartbeat is dropping fast...my tears drop fast and faster till unstoppable. She's really gone while I'm still holding her hand at home. We all did know that she's going to be "gone" but I'm actually hoping...she could stay longer. Family having big problem when she's gone. Almost tear us apart. Helpless again. I'm alone and not strong enough to face this. But luckily there is a HIM appear at that moment, a shoulder which is wide enough to let me lean on, a body is strong enough to let me pound on, a ear is patience enough to hear me even I'm only whispering in my heart. Those sleepless night, he was always there to talk with me until i could sleep. I'm glad for what he did. I'm glad when i receive the bad news, he were there just on time to give me a hug to let me know I'm not alone. I'm glad when i had no one to cry on, he were there beside the phone even i had nothing to talk but just crying, he will not hang up the phone.

In a blink of eyes, 300+ days just gone like that. It was like yesterday we just celebrate Valentine, listening Chinese New Year songs, last Christmas perfume gift box haven't even opened, new book is full with dust...but where is all the time gone?

This mysterious case happen once in a year, they just evaporate without a noticed.

When New Year Eve party end, a few glasses of alcohol inside the tummy, you shout to the world this year you gonna buy a car, you gonna loose 30 pounds, you gonna get straight A's, you gonna travel around the world, but how many people can really write a "EXCELLENT" in your self evaluate and appraise report of 2009?

Mostly were "tiger head snake tail" or stop at the half way or giving reason of busy...too busy. That's why 30 pounds target turn to 3 pounds or maybe gain more, travel around the world turn to only Genting. That's why, this year i don't damn dare to say all those big dreams anymore. I'm only wishing tiny bitsie things, so that when happen Tsunami, i got gut to say "Come on. I got nothing to regret!" LOL

However, your own life, your own way, you happy.