等你，第十三天

爱上一个人后，再也不是自己。
这么一句的话，你觉得熟悉吗？

当你听见
朋友的男友如何对不起她
说过好多好多的谎言，你一定会第一时间叫她甩了他
我。。。当然不例外
但曾有发觉过，当事情发生在你身上时呢？
你会怎样？
真的如你教你朋友的照做？

心中有答案了吧~~

还以为哭过了，笑过了，没事了
但，原来不是
还是我不太清楚自己了？
昨晚他打来了？
听到我沙哑的声音，他问了我“怎么了”
还有好多的问题
但我都以“什么事”“没什么”带过了

我不想听到分手后的关心
那会让我幻想，胡思乱想，自作多情，你懂吗？
所以，请别这样
我会害怕

不过，到后来在电话的后头
你终于说出你的最终目的
我才控制了自己

那通电话
足以让我失眠了整晚，你知道吗？
开心？担心？
很多好复杂的感受
难以形容
我想，到现在。。。
你都还不知道你对我的重要性
没关系
现在，我找到了
一样我没发觉到的
我的生命

不是发生那么多
我或许永远都不懂
不是搞到这样
我或许永远都不了解
不是亲身经历
我或许都不能感受到
不是到这个地步
我或许就一直不肯醒过来面对最残忍的现实

当你以为自己真的面临死亡再也醒不过来时
当那一刻你只听见别人的呼唤却睁不开眼睛时
你会想起什么?

我想起了他
我还想见他
我还想爱他
但。。。
我想起了自己
还有那以泪洗脸的妈妈

想听的话

想听的话
你说给了她
我的快乐从此蒸发

如果痛是爱的代价
那伤心想下该怎么换？

想听的话
得不到回答
我却还在独自装傻

回答时我的脸颊好让你看不见
我眼角的变化

等你，第十二天

昨夜，你没接过我的电话
整天了，你不是特地的，你再忙，你或许很累。
我一直告诉自己。。。
就算你盖了多少通也好
我也是这么告诉自己

早上打给你，10点半
你接了说“很忙”
“为什么没接我电话？”
“没什么，算了啦”
“什么算？”
“我不想再在一起”
“为什么?是不是有人说什么？”
“没有”
“然后为什么酱？”
“没有，就突然我不想了”
“那你等下拍完找回来找我吗？”
“会，还要拿回我的东西。我现在很忙，赶着时间等下再谈”
电话就酱盖了

我好心痛哦
每个早上起来都是心叫醒我的
每早一起身，那心跳得好快好快，很快，很痛的
你试过吗？
印象中，你有
那时我读中学时，你怕我上学后没接电话，但碍于我们昨晚吵架
所以隔天你很早就打来了
甚至比我更早醒，我吓到了也明了
现在的每一天，已经十二天了
也是如此

我的头发
它曾让你添加不少麻烦，因我爱玩头发
所以会情不自禁的在大街上挑起一把头发地转啊转，视若无人
你总是会注意并加以提醒
虽麻烦，但他也是我在深思的象征
你一看到时，总会问“你在想什么”
我总说“没有啦”
你就说“告诉老公，让我知道替你想”
有时你甚至能直接的说出，根本无须问
我想，那是我死心塌地的理由吧！

一年半了，要懂的都懂了
一年半了，不懂的以为懂

那头乌黑的头发，还需留吗？
那头乌黑的头发，还需再留吗？

等你，第十一天

我才发觉。。。
我知道得太多了
甚至自己也不能负荷得来了
等到今天，我才知道我在等
等着一个奇迹，神话
我在怀疑，那复合是因为。。。你一时的冲动，一次一次的。。。
我又在作贱自己

我一直告诉自己
没关系，需要时间。。日复一日~~
你会回来的，我们会像从前那样
我给自己一天又一天
一个月，两个月。。。半年？
我都不知道自己要的是什么了

那个半夜，我的梦粉碎了
就在昨天，那通通你要我相信的，全都是谎言！！！
你一直要我信的就是这些？
去找荣明？去叔叔家？帮妈妈？去踢球？
但她说了。。。事情的真相
看戏，喝茶，走街。。。
是让我醒的快吗？还是不怀好意？

她直叫我放，因你的谎言。。。
她说我可以找到更好的
但我告诉她，我找不到理由。。。
明明复合了，还告诉他没有
而且还没分就酱说了
我。。。无言

那婚纱真的让你也冲昏头了
你说过，电影里的都是骗人
哪有什么穿了婚纱就很美的女人。。。
我听了没说什么，只是战战兢兢
但后来。。。。

亲爱的。。。你有多久没打来了？
亲爱的。。。你有多久没习惯性的叫我一声老婆啦？
亲爱的。。。你有多久么再想起莫们从前走到现在的酸甜苦辣？
亲爱的。。。你有多久没闻过我的额头啦？
亲爱的。。。你有多久没想起我最爱的豆浆？
亲爱的。。。你有多久忘了你对我的承诺？
亲爱的。。。你有多久多久。。。

曾经。。。无时不刻电话里总有你的专属铃声响起。我的午饭，放学等甚至睡觉时你也一直要听到我声音才睡得下
曾经。。。那声“婆”总是那么自然习惯的叫出口，我的名打从在一起的的3个月后久没听到了
曾经。。。我们俩总躺在床上去讨论我们的未来，过去的不对，然后相拥入睡听听你的鼻寒声
曾经。。。每次的见面时，你都会亲亲我问闻闻我的额头，然后告诉我很香，我却总是莫名其妙
曾经。。。每到你家或你来我家，你会偶尔讨我欢心买个豆花豆水给我，以作惊喜
曾经。。。你总是惹我生气，但最后总会拿着个“女友”躲躲藏藏的出现，惹我在几个月落泪好几次
曾经。。。你是多么珍惜每个昨天，今天，明天。你告诉我这感情来之不易，并很认真地告诉我每个感情子要熬过最重要那关就可以很稳定，长长久久的一起。我深信着。所以也没怎样拿分手玩耍了。因我们的共识告诉了我，不可以！

但，深信的开始让我害怕
你变了。。。
好恐怖
好虚伪
好惨忍
戏好真

这真的是你吗？
若是，那。。。那一年半前的又是谁？
我以为，放屁屁，挖鼻鼻，都披露了，这段感情就很真
没掩饰，没包装。。。
但。。。
我难道错了？
那一年半你都在掩饰着，好让我们都陷到这地步？

我和你的未来，没了吗？

我什么都做足了
我该怎么办才能让那过去回来？
不是复合了吗？为什不接电话？
你说没别的她？真的吗？
你明知我心里有很多个疑问很多问号但你都没给个安心我。。。
为什么？
我已经选择相信，不闻不问，逃避现实了。。。真的连最后一步都得做吗？
你知道吗。。。当你不接电话时，我的心又多慌有多急你懂吗？
你真的很少能让我那么伤心
会让那个我独自哭个不停
曾经的曾经，就算小哭大哭都好，你总会替我擦拭眼泪紧紧抱着我
现在呢？安慰都没。。

很想放！！！
真的很想很想！！！！
好像狠狠地说，“你是不爱我就说！别拖下去日阿哥大家难受！！”我说不出
你还和我一起，但同时对我却如对朋友，我告诉自己你是爱我的，只是要变回从前需要时间
每个你对我的种种我都说那需要时间
朋友说你心不在了，我也说时间。。。时间真的好重要哦！
它可以是死亡，出生，相恋，分手，相遇，危机，生机。。。我们的呢？
你说你还爱我，但我不禁怀疑那是个你给我的安慰
告诉我那不是不是！！！！
告诉我!!!

亲爱的，迷路了也总会要有回家的一天


你真的还有心和我走下去吗？
我曾经的不对和脾气都收回了
因我真正领悟到，你想和我一起要的未来，是多么完美幸福
那天，我吓坏了
因我从未想过自己会有你那么爱惜，一个男的竟然真的想过要和自己有未来
虽然我们整天都在讨论着未来要做么要怎样，但这次却是让我觉得不可思议的
你那句，“我以后要的家庭是和和平平的，不是吵吵闹闹，穷无所谓，但是要开开心心的，你酱以后孩子会生长在这种环境。我不想以后是这样。。。”
顿时。。。我才领悟了，这个事我一直要的未来
虽说出来不算他给我的承诺
但对我而言已经是了。比起什么“永远爱你”“爱你一万年”等等等。。。更为真实

我俩都在这不和平的家庭成长，也因为酱朔成现在的我们
我的过去也成了现在的我变得很不堪
没替人着想，自私，报复心很重。。等等，以前所受的伤害一一回报在你身上
所以当那个你告诉我你不是好男人时，我知道你变的和以前的我一样了

现在可以变得很绝，残忍
这是当你不爱一个人后才能做出的，我心里清楚
我又能如何呢？
我做的，我愿受

电话里是你和她满满的信息。我的呢？（笑）
那个又开始说我有病了，焦虑症，幻想，忧郁症。。。很多
什么原因？真的病了吗？
处处都在为我播着“放手”这首歌，叫我收回应有的尊严
但同时，到处都在播放着你我的从前
那维持一年半的感情影片。。。不断的播着，播着
我不能放。我说了。。
什么原因？不知道
给了自己很多很多的原因，朋友也给了好多。。还是找不到

我要的，想得。。。都是和你的未来
你给到吗？

smallie to biggie--thx to that bastard

16/02/09
evrything went so perfect frm the morning till......

3.45pm
i was on the way home, 2min gona reach home...real soon.
then outside my hse were T-junction
so i turn in to that lorong, after the 2lane vehicles stop there

but when i reach the third lane with my bumper, i saw a FAT ASS riding motor SPEEDING TO HELL.
i immidiately step on the break since im nt driving fast when im turning in
then i saw that fat ass with his motor were shaking n knock at my bumper
ASSHOLE!!!
that call a accident, so we stop at a side both at his opposite side

i get down the car to see hows my car injured, phew~~small litt scratch
i look at him, he yell immidiately with chinese rude languange
i were lik huh? his the one should be blame for that causes
he seem like those unfriendly species so i called my mother to come over

that asshole were still scolding,
5min later my mum reach and ask me what happen, how happen
after that the guy walk towards my car n knock at the mirror to ask us down
my mum went dwn i followed the back

the asshole told my mum i were so lansi n he cant talk to me
n he say that i kept scoling rude words to him
WTF!!!! his the one son of a bitch!!!

then he begun to say "his stories" to my mum
said that i give signal to let him passby but then i knock him
and ask for payment RM850 for the bloody hell litt scratch of his SCOOTER
FUCK HIM HERE if he see this
but i dont think he will, since his just an untrained animal
how animal read ABC?

the FUCKEST FUNNIEST THING is he kept saying that he got relative in BUKIT AMAN POLICE STATION which mean the highest grade among those normal officer in others station
not that only, but himself also MCA politic ppl n RELA arm or what
i din heard much what he was cz i noe his tlkin animal languange that is hard to understand n believe for human

ppl wont say this if there were really hell powerful
so keep ur ass off la
FAT ASS that have about 100kg or more sitting scooter
i just felt pity for ur litt scooter, one day it might broke not cz its old
is hard to affort ur weight

then my dad arrive, i told the happening once again
he come to my dad, my dad went to his scooter n ask what he want
he say he want a payment of RM850 to replace that litt tiny mini scratch
my dad say report police, he was like getting high n mad

say my P will gantung or potong markah
n say we will meet in the court
(animal is oways animal, he kinda watch too mny drama, how can msia have those litt case that appear in court? even can, who approve u?)
later that he say he got mny money to us n call his animal fren saying wana see doctor for medical report that i knock him causing injured
funny, he dint even drop from the scooter after he scartch over my car

so, we went home to collect the insurance n head to police station to report
WE DINT SEE ANY SIGN OF HIM UNTILL...
WE FINISH OUR REPORT AND OFFICER TAKING PIC FOR EVIDENCE
BT IS NOT HIM
is his other fatass indian fren, peeping us thought that we duno he was his fren
stupid animal that dont use the brain to think!!!

pray for him that he really wont get accident again, or else he wont be that lucky heading to heaven, but HELL!!! amen, amithaba...asalaimulaikum~~~

CURRENTLY FAVOURITES

Not flowers or trees, but blooming

a signature to represent me, thx hubbie

my kfc's all time fav in list, it makes me happier all the time


blinkie stuff!!! abit horrible ya~but i lik ugly tings

mocha flavour-especially ice cream

flowery+ribbon

challenging him here

make my own lunch while schooling, less fats n calories

empty lunch box frm him

oh gosh, i left here for sooo long again

i guess that was my lazy habit...that i cant change it...n-e-v-e-r

so so, got to update all in once or twice or...never

it had to depends on my habbit

he did bought a same colour chopstickset to match it, but i still prefer BARBIE PINK that his sis usin

hub brought me a new lunch box

cz he knew i love it so so so so much

i jus duno why i like container so much! for food, for accesories...etc

for accesories, it would make them look glam n priceless

for food, when u open it, u will feel satisfied n hang fuk-ness

especially from ur loved ones

but then, we actully discuss bout this when...

it happen on a day which we were having lunch at dai pai dong at desa setapak

i saw a men(somebodies father) bringing mny colourful containers too dapao chicken rice

so immediaetly i felt so hang fuk n its eco friendly

i blame why tht he din do that

the second day, i saw this at my doorstep

weird huh, cz we quarrel b4 i got hme after outing with him

so i just run in my hse w/o talking to him when he send me hme

he just msg me to collect somthing at my door b4ppl get it

then i saw a plastic bag with soya n lunch box

i felt regretly....sob's

sorry hub >.<

extremely healthy meal-sandwich n eggmayo

multi balance meal-grape(vitamin), egg(protein,calcium), mantou(carbohydrate, starch)

above all is what i used it to fill, but then wht i actually wanted is FROM HIS D.I.Y
so i say "why u get the lunch box for me but nvr made me lunch once?"
he said "that daywhen i bring the lunch box for u i did plan to dapao for u"
oh gosh, the dai pai dong incident made him tinks that
"but then i called when u re in clas u say u dont wana eat anyting, eventhough i ask again n again"
(no wonder he kept on calling to ask me wana eat tis wana eat that that day, NONSTOP LOL)

ouch~~~its pulling me over

woke up at 9am and went to watson to fill up my stuff
then went to my grandma(dads mum) house
no diffrent, but this year we cant really play fire works
i mean for the big ones, we ony get to play the tiny litt ones
cause grndma move up to PUCHONG from LINGGI, PORT DICKSON
bored for the whole day

5pm my cousie SAMANTHA, JONATHAN,....etc went to gym
to BURN UP ALL OUR CALORIES
hoping to get a non stress steamboat dinner so that we cut the calories and add back, there will be the same shirt size
but if u remain and add it up....OH NO~THINK URSELF

have a bath, dinner, luckily i din ate alot...maybe~~
we watch TWILIGHT
GOSH~~the guy were damm handsome and interesting in dating style
normally couple went for movie, dinner, outing...etc
but cause he was a vampire, he have some kinda superb strength
he brought his gf which a human to climb to the top of the tree for a talk
u know~~~its not those litt trees
its those who grows in the forest which is very very very...............................tall
how romantic isit huh
and more interesting stories...just lazy to type all of it
but gals will definitely like it!

too bad i havent finish the whole thing, and im kinda slow to realize thats a nice muvee
as ur bf to watch if u had the chance

now....in the late night
im not sleeping, but im sleepy
struggling for the muscle pulling for over exercise this noon
my cousin too^^
cause we were so excited to shake all our fats off

pain....

im back~~happie new year to everyones^^

HERE I AM!
once again sitting down in front of the laptop typing tons of word in sentences
i ve been too busy these day...how long i left tis behind? forgotten~~~
these day im be busying with my buisness, school works, shooting, and ofcourse... i spend alots of time with him
THE STICKY HIM!!! but im glad that his in that way
Or else i gotta be mad searching for him, calling here n there

ok...lets off that topic 1st.
today is known as the "nian 30", so our family, all of it hanging out at IMBI OVERSA RESTAUARANT for dinner
thank god, from 8-11+pm...does it seem too longh for a dinner?
it suppose to be 2hr and end.
but then maybe its cause by everyfamily gotta reunion so it makes thing slower
but then i think the kitchen should be blame too!!!
even those aunties have stop their mouth for eating n chatting...
we have waited so long, when we ate the 3-4 dishes, we felt full
anties stop their chit chat mouth cause it takes so long, the topic finished

About the food...i dint take any pic for it
its not looking good, and the taste were just ok ok ny

the worse part is...it waste my calories for the day and added some fats in it!!!

nevermind, im just looking forward for tomorrow STEAMBOAT.

end of here, wish ya all have a great chinese new year and fatt choi~~~